In our last episode, we saw the tragic end of Saul’s life and reign as he took his own life rather than be captured by the Philistines who had decisively defeated his army. Saul’s life clearly demonstrated the cost of disobedience to God: defeat and death, disintegration and disgrace, dismay and displacement. Saul left the scene, but he left his people to deal with the consequences. That is why we will turn our attention next to how David and the people of Israel reacted to Saul’s death, and to the lessons we can learn from that reaction.
Grief is a universal experience of life. All people suffer loss during their lives, and the experience of loss brings grief. Grief and mourning are intense emotions, and that is why pastors and funeral directors are very careful about the way that funerals are arranged and how they are conducted. Things don’t always turn out as planned, however.
Paul Harvey recounted one instance when things went array during a funeral. As a funeral procession in Illinois drove from the church to the cemetery, they passed a local school where all the students and teachers were standing curbside. When the funeral procession approached them, they all began waving and shouting and jumping up and down. They were even beating drums and clanging cymbals. The funeral director was horrified and when they arrived at the cemetery, he profusely apologized to the deceased’s family. Later, he found out that the school was standing by to welcome Vice President Dan Quayle, who was in town to campaign for a local candidate. The teachers were told to cheer and celebrate as his motorcade passed by. Unfortunately, the funeral procession passed by the school first!
Good grief was the favorite expression of dismay in the cartoon series Charlie Brown. The response of David and his followers to the death of Saul provides us some lessons on how our own grief can be constructive instead of destructive. Let’s begin with 2 Samuel 1:1-16,
After the death of Saul, David returned from defeating the Amalekites and stayed at Ziklag two days. On the third day a man with torn clothes and dust on his head came from Saul’s camp. When he came to David, he fell to the ground and paid homage. David asked him, “Where have you come from?” He replied to him, “I’ve escaped from the Israelite camp.” “What was the outcome? Tell me,” David asked him. “The troops fled from the battle,” he answered. “Many of the troops have fallen and are dead. Also, Saul and his son Jonathan are dead.” David asked the young man who had brought him the report, “How do you know Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?” “I happened to be on Mount Gilboa,” he replied, “and there was Saul, leaning on his spear. At that very moment the chariots and the cavalry were closing in on him. When he turned around and saw me, he called out to me, so I answered: I’m at your service. He asked me, ‘Who are you?’ I told him: I’m an Amalekite. Then he begged me, ‘Stand over me and kill me, for I’m mortally wounded, but my life still lingers.’ So I stood over him and killed him because I knew that after he had fallen he couldn’t survive. I took the crown that was on his head and the armband that was on his arm, and I’ve brought them here to my lord.” Then David took hold of his clothes and tore them, and all the men with him did the same. They mourned, wept, and fasted until the evening for those who died by the sword—for Saul, his son Jonathan, the Lord’s people, and the house of Israel. David inquired of the young man who had brought him the report, “Where are you from?” “I’m the son of a resident alien,” he said. “I’m an Amalekite.” David questioned him, “How is it that you were not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the Lord’s anointed?” Then David summoned one of his servants and said, “Come here and kill him!” The servant struck him, and he died. For David had said to the Amalekite, “Your blood is on your own head because your own mouth testified against you by saying, ‘I killed the Lord’s anointed.’”
Don’t Kill The Messenger:
Receiving bad news is not a pleasant experience, but neither is giving bad news. Too often, messengers are blamed for the bad outcome, when, in fact, they had no part in causing it. Reacting this way is both unfair and counterproductive.
Before cell phones existed, I was once given the task by my boss of tracking down a fellow employee on their day off from work to ask them to come in for a special assignment. My boss knew that my colleague played in a softball league, and he sent me to the local park to deliver this unwelcome message. When I found my colleague, he had just picked-up a bat and was about to go out to the on-deck circle. When I told him that our mutual boss was calling him in to work, I thought he was going to hit me with the bat! He didn’t, but if he had not had more restraint than David, he would have!
We must not over-react to the bearers of bad news, because they are providing us a valuable service. Bad news does not get better with age, and what we don’t know can hurt us. We may not have become too comfortable with violence the way that David had, but we must receive bad news with grace, knowing that the bearer of it is both not responsible for its cause, and also because the messenger has probably been dreading the moment of revelation all day.
Frankly, the bearers of bad news have responsibility as well. I don’t know why this Amalekite told the lie that he did, but this interaction did not end well for him. Saul fell on his own sword, and while the Amalekite may have observed Saul’s death, and he may have even heard what Saul had said to his armor bearer, Saul did not have a spear, and he fell on his own sword. The bearers of bad news are performing a sacred task. They must not mishandle the news, nor use it for their own benefit.
Pat Tilman was a professional football player who enlisted in the US Army after the 9/11 attacks. He tragically died in combat in Afghanistan, and the impact of his death was made worse when the Department of Defense hid the fact that Tilman had died due to fratricide, which is commonly called, “friendly fire.” The lies told to Tilman’s family made their grief worse, and they were a disservice to Tilman’s bravery and self-sacrifice.
Good grief begins when we honor the service of those who graciously and gently bring us the bad news we don’t want to hear, but also which they regret having to share. Next, let’s read 2 Samuel 1:17-21,
David sang the following lament for Saul and his son Jonathan, and he ordered that the Judahites be taught The Song of the Bow. It is written in the Book of Jashar: The splendor of Israel lies slain on your heights. How the mighty have fallen! Do not tell it in Gath, don’t announce it in the marketplaces of Ashkelon, or the daughters of the Philistines will rejoice, and the daughters of the uncircumcised will celebrate. Mountains of Gilboa, let no dew or rain be on you, or fields of offerings, for there the shield of the mighty was defiled—the shield of Saul, no longer anointed with oil.
Don’t Cast Your Pearls Before Swine:
We must remember that while everything we say must be true, we don’t have to say all that we know. Exercising discretion in grief is a way to avoid making a difficult situation even worse. This can be difficult, because when we experience a dismaying event, it is natural that we tell the story of that event.
I was once involved in a traffic accident that left both ends of my car, front and rear, damaged and crumpled like an accordion. I was sitting at a traffic light behind a large pick-up truck when I was struck from behind, and my car was pushed into the reinforced back bumper of the truck. I was not injured, but I was surprised to say the least. Besides that, the back of my car seat gave way, and I landed sprawled across the back seat. Although I was not injured, and although my car was repairable (at significant cost, but that’s another story), I told my story of that event multiple times over the next month. If I had not seen you since the accident, I probably told you about it in some way.
Chaplains and crisis counselors have a saying, “Everyone has a story. They will tell their story until they are finished telling it. Then they don’t tell it anymore.” A listening ear is a key tool in helping someone to endure their grief. Job’s friends were a great help to Job as long as they were listening to him. It was when they opened their mouths that they failed him!
Jesus told his followers in Matthew 7:6, “Don’t give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces.” Some elements in our grief story might be true, but it is not necessary to share them with everyone. Although we do need to tell the whole story to those involved in a crisis, or those who can help us to mourn well, some people who are not your friends might use them to your detriment. Next, let’s read 2 Samuel 1:22-27,
Jonathan’s bow never retreated, Saul’s sword never returned unstained, from the blood of the slain, from the flesh of the mighty. Saul and Jonathan loved and delightful, they were not parted in life or in death. They were swifter than eagles, stronger than lions. Daughters of Israel, weep for Saul, who clothed you in scarlet, with luxurious things, who decked your garments with gold ornaments. How the mighty have fallen in the thick of battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother. You were such a friend to me. Your love for me was more wondrous than the love of women. How the mighty have fallen and the weapons of war have perished!
Don’t Forget To Cherish What Has Passed:
One of the biggest failures of God’s people in the Bible was their forgetfulness. When things were going well, when they were prosperous in a “land flowing with milk and honey,” they forgot how they came to be in that place, and they forgot who made them prosperous. They became full of themselves, and they forgot all that God had done for them.
God knew His people would forget, and that’s why He gave them various tools to help them remember. First, He instituted the Passover to remind the Jews of how the Death Angel passed over them when he killed all the first born in Egypt, which is how God convinced Pharoah to let God’s people go. Next, He had the Children of Israel create a monument of riverbed rocks beside the Jordan River to remind them of how they crossed over on dry ground because of God’s actions on their behalf. In Deuteronomy 6:4-8, God also told His people,
Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.
Later in Jeremiah, God said that He would write His Word on the hearts of His people, and even later, Jesus instituted the Lord’s Supper, conveying through it even more of God’s truths. Finally, God inhabited our very lives with His own Spirit, reminding us from the inside of His amazing actions to bless us. Yet, we still have trouble remembering God’s works on our behalf.
So, God approves of remembering the past, and He also wants us to remember and to cherish the things in our lives that have passed. We can benefit from remembering both the good times and the bad times. We don’t need to make our lost loved one’s saints, nor do we need to whitewash all our mistakes. We can remember people and things as they were and be grateful for God bringing them into our lives.
For me, a great example of this is my memories of my mother and my mother-in-law. Both women loved me and my wife and our children, but neither were perfect. We were blessed by their love, and I learned many things, even from their frailties. So, clearly, we must cherish the past, but we must be careful not to live there. This is another lesson that we can learn from David as we read 2 Samuel 2:1-4,
Some time later, David inquired of the Lord: “Should I go to one of the towns of Judah?” The Lord answered him, “Go.” Then David asked, “Where should I go?” “To Hebron,” the Lord replied. So David went there with his two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelite and Abigail, the widow of Nabal the Carmelite. In addition, David brought the men who were with him, each one with his family, and they settled in the towns near Hebron. Then the men of Judah came, and there they anointed David king over the house of Judah. They told David, “It was the men of Jabesh-gilead who buried Saul.”
Don’t Live In The Past:
As much as God wants us to remember the past, He doesn’t live there, and He doesn’t want us to live there, either. We remember the past in order to provide context to our present, which is the foundation for our future. God has a plan for His relationship with us, and He is working that plan, constantly. He is moving forward, and He wants us to be moving forward with Him as well.
We see clear evidence in God’s Word that David cherished the memory of King Saul, and that he also cherished the memory of Jonathan, his best friend. The Word also clearly reflects David’s deep grief and heart-felt mourning for their loss, not only in its reality and finality, but also in its circumstances. That said, at the right time, David lifted his head up and asked, “What do I do now?” And God told him what to do.
Please note that David did what God said to do. It has no effect on our lives if we know God’s will, but don’t have the will ourselves to embrace His direction for the future. If David had not gone to Hebron, he would not have been anointed king of Judah, nor would he have become king of all of God’s people. So, David did not forget, but he also forged on into the future, and God would have us to do the same. Finally let’s read 2 Samuel 2:4-7,
Then the men of Judah came, and there they anointed David king over the house of Judah. They told David, “It was the men of Jabesh-gilead who buried Saul.” David sent messengers to the men of Jabesh-gilead and said to them, “The Lord bless you because you have shown this kindness to Saul your lord when you buried him. Now, may the Lord show kindness and faithfulness to you, and I will also show the same goodness to you because you have done this deed. Therefore, be strong and valiant, for though Saul your lord is dead, the house of Judah has anointed me king over them.”
Don’t Neglect Those Who Helped:
Gratefulness is an under-appreciated quality in a person’s life. None of us should be kind or helpful in order to receive another’s thanks or praise. If we do, as Jesus told the Pharisees about their over-the-top public prayers, that will be all the blessing we ever receive. We are kind and helpful to others to honor God in response for all He has done for us. That said, we should also be grateful to others for their kindness and helpfulness to us.
I know of a denominational leader who once went out of his way to help a pastor find a new church. That pastor had made some mistakes at a couple of previous churches, but the denominational leader believed that the pastor had grown and matured, and that he had learned some difficult lessons. He gave the minister’s name to the pastor search committee of one of the biggest churches in his denominational group. That church called the pastor to come to their church. Not long after, the pastor led his church to reduce their support of the denomination, and he began criticizing the denominational servant’s leadership. Gratefulness was apparently not among this pastor’s core values.
David showed gratefulness to the people of Jabesh, and he also gave them a word of encouragement. In this way, David is a good role model for us to follow when coming out of a time of grief and mourning. We should be thankful for those who helped, and we should ask them to join us as we look to the future.
Conclusion:
Charlie Brown and his friends used the term “Good grief!” as an expression of dismay and disbelief. If we learn from the experiences of David and the other Children of Israel good grief can become a reality for us as we face the difficult times that come into our lives.
Every blessing,
Dr. Otis Corbitt
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