A Word about Friends and Family

Today I want to share a word about friends and family. Let’s begin by reading1 Samuel 17:57-1 Samuel 18:5.

When David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul with the Philistine’s head still in his hand. Saul said to him, “Whose son are you, young man?” “The son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem,” David answered. When David had finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan committed himself to David, and loved him as much as he loved himself. 2 Saul kept David with him from that day on and did not let him return to his father’s house. 3 Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as himself. 4 Then Jonathan removed the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his military tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt. 5 David marched out with the army and was successful in everything Saul sent him to do. Saul put him in command of the soldiers, which pleased all the people and Saul’s servants as well.

When we think of the phrase, “Friends and Family”, what probably comes to mind is some kind of cell phone plan or maybe a subscription plan for a television streaming service. I am aware of at least one automobile manufacturer who offers such a plan as well. No doubt these are financially useful plans that help people be good stewards of their money. The problem comes into play when the connotation of “Friends and Family” is only about money. 

In truth, “Friends and Family” refer to the people closest to our hearts. Naturally, we love our families, and they are important to us. However, as we saw in our previous episode, brotherly love can fail, and, in fact, Proverbs 18:24 tells us that we might have a friend who stays closer than a brother.

We need “family and Friends”, both in the good times, but also when the chips are down, and hard times come. As Proverbs 17:17 reminds us, 

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

Jonathan was the son of Saul the king, and the dear friend of David, the anointed successor to his father. This was bound to cause trouble, and it did. What, then, did Jonathan do?

Jonathan was a Dedicated Friend:

The origin of Jonathan’s friendship with David is easy to discover. Like David, Jonathan was a distinguished warrior. This is what 1 Samuel 14:6ff tells us:

 6 Jonathan said to the attendant who carried his weapons, “Come on, let’s cross over to the garrison of these uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will help us. Nothing can keep the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.” 7 His armor-bearer responded, “Do what is in your heart. You choose. I’m right here with you whatever you decide.”  8 “All right,” Jonathan replied, “we’ll cross over to the men and then let them see us. 9 If they say, ‘Wait until we reach you,’ then we will stay where we are and not go up to them. 10 But if they say, ‘Come on up,’ then we’ll go up, because the Lord has handed them over to us—that will be our sign.” 11 They let themselves be seen by the Philistine garrison, and the Philistines said, “Look, the Hebrews are coming out of the holes where they’ve been hiding!” 12 The men of the garrison called to Jonathan and his armor-bearer. “Come on up, and we’ll teach you a lesson!” they said. “Follow me,” Jonathan told his armor-bearer, “for the Lord has handed them over to Israel.” 13 Jonathan climbed up using his hands and feet, with his armor-bearer behind him. Jonathan cut them down, and his armor-bearer followed and finished them off. 14 In that first assault Jonathan and his armor-bearer struck down about 20 men in a half-acre field.

David had killed Goliath, but Jonathan had his own triumphs as well.  People with common interests and common convictions gravitate to each other. Both Jonathan and David were bold, successful warriors, both were committed to the defense of Israel, and both had faith in the God of Heaven and Earth. David and Jonathan were two peas in a pod, they were joined at the hip, they had each other’s back. Theirs was a natural and rock-solid friendship.

The origin of their friendship was natural, but the sustainment of their friendship was supernatural. God had to sustain that friendship, because at a certain point Jonathan learned that David had been anointed to become the next king of Israel, yet their friendship flourished. This is a remarkable thing! 

Jonathan remained fast friends with the one who was going to take his place. Unlike Esau, and unlike Joseph’s brothers, Jonathan did not resent David, and he certainly never threatened to kill him. Instead, Jonathan’s faith and trust in God made him proud of David and Jonathan was his biggest cheerleader. 

1 Samuel 23:15-18 gives us this insight into Jonathan’s affection for David,

Then Saul’s son Jonathan came to David in Horesh and encouraged him in his faith in God, 17 saying, “Don’t be afraid, for my father Saul will never lay a hand on you. You yourself will be king over Israel, and I’ll be your second-in-command. Even my father Saul knows it is true.” 18 Then the two of them made a covenant in the Lord’s presence. Afterward, David remained in Horesh, while Jonathan went home.

Only Jonathan’s faith in God and God’s grace could sustain such a dedicated friendship.

Jonathan was a Devoted Son:

Jonathan was a dedicated friend of David, but he also was a devoted son of Saul, and they had a close relationship. In 1 Samuel 20:2, Jonathan said,

 Listen, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without telling me.

Jonathan was also a key commander in Saul’s army, and Saul relied upon him to bring him victories. That said, If David was just like Jonathan, Jonathan was not just like Saul.

Saul had many character flaws that prevented him from being all that he should have been in service of God. He was timid, and weak-willed, and he often gave into his own fears. He also demonstrated poor judgment on several occasions.

First, on the day that Jonathan led his army to defeat the Philistines, Saul showed his poor judgement by offering a sacrifice to God. The Prophet Samuel was delayed in coming to the army and so Saul offered a sacrifice to God, which he should not have done. 

During that battle, Saul and the army were cowering in fear before Jonathan made his assault. Later, when Jonathan had the Philistines on the run, Saul got so excited that he made a hasty and foolish vow that no one would eat until all the enemy was destroyed. What resulted from that was the escape of the Philistines because of the fatigue of his troops, and it also caused the troops to be so hungry that they broke the Mosaic Law by eating meat with the blood still in it. In addition, Jonathan had not heard his father’s vow, and had eaten some honey, and so he should have been killed, but Saul, as was his habit, backed down.

Before the next battle, Saul was told by Samuel in 1 Samuel 15:3,

Now go and attack the Amalekites and completely destroy everything they have. Do not spare them. Kill men and women, children and infants, oxen and sheep, camels and donkeys.

Saul did defeat the Amalekites, but he took some of them prisoners and he also took sheep and cattle and all of the best plunder, but he destroyed the rest. When Samuel confronted him, Saul made the excuse that he was planning to make a sacrifice to God. 1 Samuel 15:22-23 tells us what happened next: 

Then Samuel said: Does the Lord take pleasure in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? Look: to obey is better than sacrifice, to pay attention is better than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and defiance is like wickedness and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you as king.

Then, Saul entered a descent into madness to the extent that he ordered the execution of 85 priests and their families because he thought they had turned against him. He even went to the witch of Endor to conjure up the spirit of the deceased Prophet Samuel. This did not turn out well for Saul to say the least.

It is true saying that while you can choose your friends, your family chosen for you. It is also true that we are to “honor our fathers and mothers.” All through Saul’s many mistakes and failures, Jonathan remained a devoted son to his father. It is good and right, if not easy, to love imperfect people. After all God loves us, does He not?

Jonathan was in a Delicate Situation:

Saul, as a person who was always unsure of himself, became jealous of David, and he came to resent him. This put Jonathan in a delicate situation as we can see in 1 Samuel 19:1:1-7:

Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David. But Saul’s son Jonathan liked David very much, 2 so he told him: “My father Saul intends to kill you. Be on your guard in the morning and hide in a secret place and stay there. 3 I’ll go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are and talk to him about you. When I see what he says, I’ll tell you.” 4 Jonathan spoke well of David to his father Saul. He said to him: “The king should not sin against his servant David. He hasn’t sinned against you; in fact, his actions have been a great advantage to you. 5 He took his life in his hands when he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great victory for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced, so why would you sin against innocent blood by killing David for no reason?” 6 Saul listened to Jonathan’s advice and swore an oath: “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be killed.” 7 So Jonathan summoned David and told him all these words. Then Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he served him as he did before.

Being a dedicated friend to David and a devoted son to Saul put Jonathan in a delicate situation. Like we find so often in the Bible, a righteous man found himself between a rock and a hard place, between the devil and the deep blue sea. What would Jonathan do?

If the saying that “blood is thicker than water,” is true, we would expect Jonathan to instinctively side with Saul. This would also be aligned with the Middle Eastern aphorism, “I am against my brother, my brother and I are against my cousin, my cousin and I are against the stranger."  Jonathan was made of sterner stuff than that, however.

Jonathan risked his father’s wrath to speak truth into his life. Jonathan chose righteousness, truth, and common sense over family ties. At the same time, he also prevented Saul from making a huge mistake, saving David’s life and preventing him from committing a wanton act of murder.

Jonathan had a Difficult Conversation:

Having talked Saul off the ledge, Jonathan thought all was well, but it was not. Saul was still murderously jealous of David, literally so. Although Jonathan was unaware of it, Saul tried first to kill David with a spear, and when he escaped that fate, he sent assassins after David, forcing him to flee. That’s when Jonathan and David had to have a difficult conversation. 1 Samuel 20:1-4 describes this confrontation,

David fled from Naioth in Ramah and came to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What did I do wrong? How have I sinned against your father so that he wants to take my life?” 2 Jonathan said to him, “No, you won’t die. Listen, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without telling me.[a] So why would he hide this matter from me? This can’t be true.” 3 But David said, “Your father certainly knows that you have come to look favorably on me. He has said, ‘Jonathan must not know of this, or else he will be grieved.’” David also swore, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you yourself live, there is but a step between me and death.” 4 Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.”

One mark of true friendship is the ability to speak into one another’s lives. We all have secrets, but by-and-large, friends’ lives should be transparent to each other. Friends should be able to have difficult conversations and to deal with difficult subjects. Letting our guard down like this does not come naturally, but we become able to do it as we grow in Christ, as Ephesians 14:14-15 says,

Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit. 15 But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head—Christ.

Paul expands upon these thoughts in Ephesians 4:25-32, saying,

Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. 26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the Devil an opportunity. 28 The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need. 29 No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. 30 And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

Friends don’t tell the brutal truth to each other, but they do speak the hard truths in love, even when the situation is awkward.

Jonathan Took Decisive Action:

Finally, Jonathan took decisive action. Let’s consider 1 Samuel 20:41-42:

When the young man had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone Ezel, fell with his face to the ground, and bowed three times. Then he and Jonathan kissed each other and wept with each other, though David wept more. 42 Jonathan then said to David, “Go in the assurance the two of us pledged in the name of the Lord when we said: The Lord will be a witness between you and me and between my offspring and your offspring forever.”  Then David left, and Jonathan went into the city.

We must remember that love is an action word. It is not just feeling but also doing. It is not just emotional, but operational. As 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us, love is doing what is best for the one you love, and in this case, that’s exactly what Jonathan did.

• If Jonathan had been Jacob, he would have sent David away in an effort to become the king of Israel. 
• If Jonathan had been one of Joseph’s brothers, then he would have embraced David by plunging a knife into his back. 
• If Jonathan had been Saul, he would have been frozen in fear and did nothing.
• If Jonathan was Judas, he would have betrayed David for 30 pieces of silver.

Jonathan was Jonathan and he took action to save his friend and to save his father. Words, emotions, and attitudes are important and powerful, but actions are what save the day.

Conclusion:

What do we do when we are caught between family and friends? Jonathan is a great model for us to follow:

• Like Jonathan, we should be dedicated friends
• Like Jonathan, we should be devoted sons and daughters
• Like Jonathan, we should trust God in delicate situation
• Like Jonathan, we should have the difficult conversations
• Like Jonathan, we should take decisive action to love others with the Love of the Lord