A Word about Friends and Family

Today I want to share a word about friends and family. Let’s begin by reading1 Samuel 17:57-1 Samuel 18:5.

When David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul with the Philistine’s head still in his hand. Saul said to him, “Whose son are you, young man?” “The son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem,” David answered. When David had finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan committed himself to David, and loved him as much as he loved himself. 2 Saul kept David with him from that day on and did not let him return to his father’s house. 3 Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as himself. 4 Then Jonathan removed the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his military tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt. 5 David marched out with the army and was successful in everything Saul sent him to do. Saul put him in command of the soldiers, which pleased all the people and Saul’s servants as well.

When we think of the phrase, “Friends and Family”, what probably comes to mind is some kind of cell phone plan or maybe a subscription plan for a television streaming service. I am aware of at least one automobile manufacturer who offers such a plan as well. No doubt these are financially useful plans that help people be good stewards of their money. The problem comes into play when the connotation of “Friends and Family” is only about money. 

In truth, “Friends and Family” refer to the people closest to our hearts. Naturally, we love our families, and they are important to us. However, as we saw in our previous episode, brotherly love can fail, and, in fact, Proverbs 18:24 tells us that we might have a friend who stays closer than a brother.

We need “family and Friends”, both in the good times, but also when the chips are down, and hard times come. As Proverbs 17:17 reminds us, 

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

Jonathan was the son of Saul the king, and the dear friend of David, the anointed successor to his father. This was bound to cause trouble, and it did. What, then, did Jonathan do?

Jonathan was a Dedicated Friend:

The origin of Jonathan’s friendship with David is easy to discover. Like David, Jonathan was a distinguished warrior. This is what 1 Samuel 14:6ff tells us:

 6 Jonathan said to the attendant who carried his weapons, “Come on, let’s cross over to the garrison of these uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will help us. Nothing can keep the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.” 7 His armor-bearer responded, “Do what is in your heart. You choose. I’m right here with you whatever you decide.”  8 “All right,” Jonathan replied, “we’ll cross over to the men and then let them see us. 9 If they say, ‘Wait until we reach you,’ then we will stay where we are and not go up to them. 10 But if they say, ‘Come on up,’ then we’ll go up, because the Lord has handed them over to us—that will be our sign.” 11 They let themselves be seen by the Philistine garrison, and the Philistines said, “Look, the Hebrews are coming out of the holes where they’ve been hiding!” 12 The men of the garrison called to Jonathan and his armor-bearer. “Come on up, and we’ll teach you a lesson!” they said. “Follow me,” Jonathan told his armor-bearer, “for the Lord has handed them over to Israel.” 13 Jonathan climbed up using his hands and feet, with his armor-bearer behind him. Jonathan cut them down, and his armor-bearer followed and finished them off. 14 In that first assault Jonathan and his armor-bearer struck down about 20 men in a half-acre field.

David had killed Goliath, but Jonathan had his own triumphs as well.  People with common interests and common convictions gravitate to each other. Both Jonathan and David were bold, successful warriors, both were committed to the defense of Israel, and both had faith in the God of Heaven and Earth. David and Jonathan were two peas in a pod, they were joined at the hip, they had each other’s back. Theirs was a natural and rock-solid friendship.

The origin of their friendship was natural, but the sustainment of their friendship was supernatural. God had to sustain that friendship, because at a certain point Jonathan learned that David had been anointed to become the next king of Israel, yet their friendship flourished. This is a remarkable thing! 

Jonathan remained fast friends with the one who was going to take his place. Unlike Esau, and unlike Joseph’s brothers, Jonathan did not resent David, and he certainly never threatened to kill him. Instead, Jonathan’s faith and trust in God made him proud of David and Jonathan was his biggest cheerleader. 

1 Samuel 23:15-18 gives us this insight into Jonathan’s affection for David,

Then Saul’s son Jonathan came to David in Horesh and encouraged him in his faith in God, 17 saying, “Don’t be afraid, for my father Saul will never lay a hand on you. You yourself will be king over Israel, and I’ll be your second-in-command. Even my father Saul knows it is true.” 18 Then the two of them made a covenant in the Lord’s presence. Afterward, David remained in Horesh, while Jonathan went home.

Only Jonathan’s faith in God and God’s grace could sustain such a dedicated friendship.

Jonathan was a Devoted Son:

Jonathan was a dedicated friend of David, but he also was a devoted son of Saul, and they had a close relationship. In 1 Samuel 20:2, Jonathan said,

 Listen, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without telling me.

Jonathan was also a key commander in Saul’s army, and Saul relied upon him to bring him victories. That said, If David was just like Jonathan, Jonathan was not just like Saul.

Saul had many character flaws that prevented him from being all that he should have been in service of God. He was timid, and weak-willed, and he often gave into his own fears. He also demonstrated poor judgment on several occasions.

First, on the day that Jonathan led his army to defeat the Philistines, Saul showed his poor judgement by offering a sacrifice to God. The Prophet Samuel was delayed in coming to the army and so Saul offered a sacrifice to God, which he should not have done. 

During that battle, Saul and the army were cowering in fear before Jonathan made his assault. Later, when Jonathan had the Philistines on the run, Saul got so excited that he made a hasty and foolish vow that no one would eat until all the enemy was destroyed. What resulted from that was the escape of the Philistines because of the fatigue of his troops, and it also caused the troops to be so hungry that they broke the Mosaic Law by eating meat with the blood still in it. In addition, Jonathan had not heard his father’s vow, and had eaten some honey, and so he should have been killed, but Saul, as was his habit, backed down.

Before the next battle, Saul was told by Samuel in 1 Samuel 15:3,

Now go and attack the Amalekites and completely destroy everything they have. Do not spare them. Kill men and women, children and infants, oxen and sheep, camels and donkeys.

Saul did defeat the Amalekites, but he took some of them prisoners and he also took sheep and cattle and all of the best plunder, but he destroyed the rest. When Samuel confronted him, Saul made the excuse that he was planning to make a sacrifice to God. 1 Samuel 15:22-23 tells us what happened next: 

Then Samuel said: Does the Lord take pleasure in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? Look: to obey is better than sacrifice, to pay attention is better than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and defiance is like wickedness and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you as king.

Then, Saul entered a descent into madness to the extent that he ordered the execution of 85 priests and their families because he thought they had turned against him. He even went to the witch of Endor to conjure up the spirit of the deceased Prophet Samuel. This did not turn out well for Saul to say the least.

It is true saying that while you can choose your friends, your family chosen for you. It is also true that we are to “honor our fathers and mothers.” All through Saul’s many mistakes and failures, Jonathan remained a devoted son to his father. It is good and right, if not easy, to love imperfect people. After all God loves us, does He not?

Jonathan was in a Delicate Situation:

Saul, as a person who was always unsure of himself, became jealous of David, and he came to resent him. This put Jonathan in a delicate situation as we can see in 1 Samuel 19:1:1-7:

Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David. But Saul’s son Jonathan liked David very much, 2 so he told him: “My father Saul intends to kill you. Be on your guard in the morning and hide in a secret place and stay there. 3 I’ll go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are and talk to him about you. When I see what he says, I’ll tell you.” 4 Jonathan spoke well of David to his father Saul. He said to him: “The king should not sin against his servant David. He hasn’t sinned against you; in fact, his actions have been a great advantage to you. 5 He took his life in his hands when he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great victory for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced, so why would you sin against innocent blood by killing David for no reason?” 6 Saul listened to Jonathan’s advice and swore an oath: “As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be killed.” 7 So Jonathan summoned David and told him all these words. Then Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he served him as he did before.

Being a dedicated friend to David and a devoted son to Saul put Jonathan in a delicate situation. Like we find so often in the Bible, a righteous man found himself between a rock and a hard place, between the devil and the deep blue sea. What would Jonathan do?

If the saying that “blood is thicker than water,” is true, we would expect Jonathan to instinctively side with Saul. This would also be aligned with the Middle Eastern aphorism, “I am against my brother, my brother and I are against my cousin, my cousin and I are against the stranger."  Jonathan was made of sterner stuff than that, however.

Jonathan risked his father’s wrath to speak truth into his life. Jonathan chose righteousness, truth, and common sense over family ties. At the same time, he also prevented Saul from making a huge mistake, saving David’s life and preventing him from committing a wanton act of murder.

Jonathan had a Difficult Conversation:

Having talked Saul off the ledge, Jonathan thought all was well, but it was not. Saul was still murderously jealous of David, literally so. Although Jonathan was unaware of it, Saul tried first to kill David with a spear, and when he escaped that fate, he sent assassins after David, forcing him to flee. That’s when Jonathan and David had to have a difficult conversation. 1 Samuel 20:1-4 describes this confrontation,

David fled from Naioth in Ramah and came to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What did I do wrong? How have I sinned against your father so that he wants to take my life?” 2 Jonathan said to him, “No, you won’t die. Listen, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without telling me.[a] So why would he hide this matter from me? This can’t be true.” 3 But David said, “Your father certainly knows that you have come to look favorably on me. He has said, ‘Jonathan must not know of this, or else he will be grieved.’” David also swore, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you yourself live, there is but a step between me and death.” 4 Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.”

One mark of true friendship is the ability to speak into one another’s lives. We all have secrets, but by-and-large, friends’ lives should be transparent to each other. Friends should be able to have difficult conversations and to deal with difficult subjects. Letting our guard down like this does not come naturally, but we become able to do it as we grow in Christ, as Ephesians 14:14-15 says,

Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit. 15 But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head—Christ.

Paul expands upon these thoughts in Ephesians 4:25-32, saying,

Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. 26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the Devil an opportunity. 28 The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need. 29 No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. 30 And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

Friends don’t tell the brutal truth to each other, but they do speak the hard truths in love, even when the situation is awkward.

Jonathan Took Decisive Action:

Finally, Jonathan took decisive action. Let’s consider 1 Samuel 20:41-42:

When the young man had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone Ezel, fell with his face to the ground, and bowed three times. Then he and Jonathan kissed each other and wept with each other, though David wept more. 42 Jonathan then said to David, “Go in the assurance the two of us pledged in the name of the Lord when we said: The Lord will be a witness between you and me and between my offspring and your offspring forever.”  Then David left, and Jonathan went into the city.

We must remember that love is an action word. It is not just feeling but also doing. It is not just emotional, but operational. As 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us, love is doing what is best for the one you love, and in this case, that’s exactly what Jonathan did.

• If Jonathan had been Jacob, he would have sent David away in an effort to become the king of Israel. 
• If Jonathan had been one of Joseph’s brothers, then he would have embraced David by plunging a knife into his back. 
• If Jonathan had been Saul, he would have been frozen in fear and did nothing.
• If Jonathan was Judas, he would have betrayed David for 30 pieces of silver.

Jonathan was Jonathan and he took action to save his friend and to save his father. Words, emotions, and attitudes are important and powerful, but actions are what save the day.

Conclusion:

What do we do when we are caught between family and friends? Jonathan is a great model for us to follow:

• Like Jonathan, we should be dedicated friends
• Like Jonathan, we should be devoted sons and daughters
• Like Jonathan, we should trust God in delicate situation
• Like Jonathan, we should have the difficult conversations
• Like Jonathan, we should take decisive action to love others with the Love of the Lord

A Word About What to Do When Brotherly Love Fails

 

As we continue in our series “Family Business,” today, we will ask the question, “What do we do, when brotherly love fails?”. Let’s read Genesis 37:18-36:

They saw him in the distance, and before he had reached them, they plotted to kill him. 19 They said to one another, “Here comes that dreamer! 20 Come on, let’s kill him and throw him into one of the pits. We can say that a vicious animal ate him. Then we’ll see what becomes of his dreams!” 21 When Reuben heard this, he tried to save him from them. He said, “Let’s not take his life.” 22 Reuben also said to them, “Don’t shed blood. Throw him into this pit in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him”—intending to rescue him from their hands and return him to his father. 23 When Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped off his robe, the robe of many colors that he had on. 24 Then they took him and threw him into the pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it. 25 Then they sat down to eat a meal. They looked up, and there was a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were carrying aromatic gum, balsam, and resin, going down to Egypt. 26 Then Judah said to his brothers, “What do we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? 27 Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay a hand on him, for he is our brother, our own flesh,” and they agreed. 28 When Midianite traders passed by, his brothers pulled Joseph out of the pit and sold him for 20 pieces of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took Joseph to Egypt. 29 When Reuben returned to the pit and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. 30 He went back to his brothers and said, “The boy is gone! What am I going to do?” 31 So they took Joseph’s robe, slaughtered a young goat, and dipped the robe in its blood. 32 They sent the robe of many colors to their father and said, “We found this. Examine it. Is it your son’s robe or not?” 33 His father recognized it. “It is my son’s robe,” he said. “A vicious animal has devoured him. Joseph has been torn to pieces!” 34 Then Jacob tore his clothes, put sackcloth around his waist, and mourned for his son many days. 35 All his sons and daughters tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he said. “I will go down to Sheol to my son, mourning.” And his father wept for him. 36 Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh and the captain of the guard.

When brotherly love fails it is like a storm has hit the family. 

Sometimes that storm is like a hurricane. Hurricanes develop over long periods of time, days or even weeks. Sometimes, in a family when love fails, just like with a hurricane, you can see it coming and, although you can’t stop it and you are dreading it, at least you can be prepared for in some way. 

Other times when brotherly love fails, it’s like a tornado. Tornados seemingly pop up out of nowhere. They sneak up on an unsuspecting community, they bring their devastating damage, and then they disappear. You don’t have to dread the coming of the tornado because you don’t have an opportunity to do so. On the other hand, you also can make little or no preparation for that particular storm. 

Regardless of whether the storm is a hurricane or a tornado, it leaves destruction in its wake. Like Dorothy said in the “Wizard of Ozz”, you may find that “We aren’t in Kansas anymore!” Everything has changed, and not for the better.

At that point those affected must ask the question, “What do I do now?” This is the same question. Joseph found himself facing when brotherly love failed among the Children of Israel. Today we see what Joseph did, and how that turned out. This is what we can observe from Scripture:

Joseph’s Diligence:

Let’s begin with Genesis 39:1-6a,

Now Joseph had been taken to Egypt. An Egyptian named Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh and the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had brought him there. 2 The Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man, serving[a] in the household of his Egyptian master. 3 When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord made everything he did successful, 4 Joseph found favor in his master’s sight and became his personal attendant. Potiphar also put him in charge of his household and placed all that he owned under his authority.[b] 5 From the time that he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house because of Joseph. The Lord’s blessing was on all that he owned, in his house and in his fields. 6 He left all that he owned under Joseph’s authority;[c] he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.

Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son and Jacob had doted upon him. He had given Joseph preferential treatment, including dressing him in a unique, even gaudy, multi-colored coat. Joseph had been spoiled by his dad, but now his whole world had been turned up-side down! He went from being the favored son being sold into slavery.

The fact that Joseph experienced such a reversal of fortunes was not an uncommon life event. One wag put it this way, “Somedays you are the windshield; other days you are the bug.” We might leave a supportive home environment to go to work or to go to school. There we may find people who don't know us, nor even care about us. Sometimes the situation we find ourselves in isn't the situation that we expected to happen.

I once served in a Christian ministry that had a practice of never downsizing staff. Instead, when ministry requirements changed, and when ministry programs were ended, the previous staff were just reassigned to different job descriptions. I knew several members of that ministry who had been called to do a specific task but who were later reassigned to an entirely different ministry. A few of those folks adjusted well; most however struggled. For some it was as if the ground beneath their feet had shifted nothing was the same as before and they never felt comfortable in their new role.

When placed in a situation like the one Joseph found himself in, many people might crumble. Joseph didn't! Joseph continued to be diligent, so much so that he was placed as steward over his master's household.  I believe we can draw at least two lessons from Joseph's experience.

First, it's always right to do the right thing. Joseph knew it was right to be diligent, and he was. It certainly would have been easy for him to resent his master. But we must remember, that in whatever situation we are God knows what is happening to us. The scriptures remind us that we are a walking testimony to our God. We are often the only Bible anyone ever reads and that is why it was written in Colossians 3:23-24 that,

Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ.

The second lesson, of course, is that God will reward us for being good stewards of His Holy Name. Hebrews 6:10 tells us,

For God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you showed for His name when you served the saints—and you continue to serve them

When you aren’t in Kansas anymore, remember that God has a plan for your life.  Work as if you are working for Him!

Joseph’s Purity:

Next, let’s read 39:6b-21,

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome. 7 After some time his master’s wife looked longingly at Joseph and said, “Sleep with me.” 8 But he refused. “Look,” he said to his master’s wife, “with me here my master does not concern himself with anything in his house, and he has put all that he owns under my authority.  9 No one in this house is greater than I am. He has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. So how could I do such a great evil and sin against God?”10 Although she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her.  11 Now one day he went into the house to do his work, and none of the household servants were there.[h] 12 She grabbed him by his garment and said, “Sleep with me!” But leaving his garment in her hand, he escaped and ran outside. 13 When she saw that he had left his garment with her and had run outside, 14 she called the household servants. “Look,” she said to them, “my husband brought a Hebrew man to make fools of us. He came to me so he could sleep with me, and I screamed as loud as I could. 15 When he heard me screaming for help, he left his garment with me and ran outside.” 16 She put Joseph’s garment beside her until his master came home. 17 Then she told him the same story: “The Hebrew slave you brought to us came to make a fool of me, 18 but when I screamed for help, he left his garment with me and ran outside.” 19 When his master heard the story his wife told him—“These are the things your slave did to me”—he was furious 20 and had him thrown into prison, where the king’s prisoners were confined. So Joseph was there in prison.

We live in a fallen and sinful world and the hits just keep coming! The basic storyline here is that Potiphar's wife lusted after Joseph, yet he remained pure. As a healthy young man, Joseph was no doubt tempted, but he did not yield.

This kind of temptation is not unusual. In fact, a leading cause of ministerial termination is moral failure. In this case Joseph was alone and out on his own, and without a support system. That is a difficult situation. Often temptations come fast and furious and in all sorts of ways. It is easy to fall, and it is easy to rationalize that failure as well. Joseph could have said, “Maybe if I let her seduce me that will give me some power over her, and she can help me fulfill God's plan?” It is easy to talk ourselves into doing foolish things.

Even if you aren't tempted by such a situation, this kind of person can harm you. It is possible that Potiphar's wife misunderstood Joseph's motives. Maybe she thought he was trying to impress her or seduce her. People can misjudge your motives and treat you wrongly.

Even more troublesome is the fact that a person who has illegitimate motives and illegitimate desires may retaliate against you when you reject their improper advances. In such a case you will have done nothing wrong, but the offending person might manipulate facts and situations to imply that you were the offending party. In fact, you might yield simply to avoid such trouble.

Many people would fall into temptation under these conditions, but not Joseph. He was so desperate to stay pure that he ran out of his clothes. He knew God had a purpose for his life and he knew his God was righteous. He also knew that God never does his work with the devil's means. And he knew that he was working for that very same God.

When you aren't in Kansas anymore, remember that God is righteous. Live as if you are living for him!

Joseph’s Faithfulness:

Next, let’s read 39:6b-21,

But the Lord was with Joseph and extended kindness to him. He granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. 22 The warden put all the prisoners who were in the prison under Joseph’s authority, and he was responsible for everything that was done there. 23 The warden did not bother with anything under Joseph’s authority, because the Lord was with him, and the Lord made everything that he did successful.

When you think you have hit rock bottom and you think that things can't get any worse, don't hold your breath, because, as Joseph’s story demonstrated, they can get worse. Potiphar's wife was a woman scorned, and she took her wrath out upon Joseph. He was falsely accused and wound up in prison and he should have been considering himself lucky that he wasn't killed.

Like Joseph we are also often treated wrongly. At times we are treated wrongly by the world, and other times we are treated wrongly by our families. The ones who love us can turn on us and cause us much pain.

People can wrongly accuse us, they can gossip about us and scorn our Christian faith and our Christian lifestyle. They may try to entice us into office politics and then turn on us when we participate. Even worse they can entice us into office politics and then when we participate, heap scorn upon us because we're hypocrites. Either way we are often punished for not conforming to the ways of this world.

When these things happen to us Joseph is a model for us to follow. Joseph did not give up hope. He knew his God, and he knew his God had a purpose for his life. He knew that his God was strong and that his God could and would fulfill that purpose. He also knew that ultimately that was who he was working for the God of his fathers. Despite all that happened to him Joseph remained faithful to that God.

If Joseph is a model for us to follow Joseph's God is even a greater source of encouragement to us. God used Joseph's faithfulness to advance his plan for his life. Also, we must realize that God put Joseph right to where he needed to be so that he could interpret the dreams of the Butler and the Baker. These events brought him to Pharaoh’s attention and these events occurred because Joseph and his God were both faithful. Paul had a similar experience as we see in Acts 16 beginning in verse 22:

Then the mob joined in the attack against them, and the chief magistrates stripped off their clothes and ordered them to be beaten with rods. 23 After they had inflicted many blows on them, they threw them in jail, ordering the jailer to keep them securely guarded. 24 Receiving such an order, he put them into the inner prison and secured their feet in the stocks. 25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the jail were shaken, and immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone’s chains came loose. 27 When the jailer woke up and saw the doors of the prison open, he drew his sword and was going to kill himself, since he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul called out in a loud voice, “Don’t harm yourself, because all of us are here!” 29 Then the jailer called for lights, rushed in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 Then he escorted them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” 31 So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” 32 Then they spoke the message of the Lord to him along with everyone in his house. 33 He took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds. Right away he and all his family were baptized. 34 He brought them into his house, set a meal before them, and rejoiced because he had believed God with his entire household.

Just like the children of Israel were saved from starvation by Joseph going to jail, so too there will be people in heaven that we can meet some day, because Paul went to jail.

When you aren’t in Kansas anymore, remember that God is in control.  Live as if is He is!

Joseph’s Elevation:

Finally, let’s read Genesis 41:37-49,

Then Pharaoh said to his servants, “Can we find anyone like this, a man who has God’s spirit in him?” 39 So Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one as intelligent and wise as you are. 40 You will be over my house, and all my people will obey your commands.[d] Only with regard to the throne will I be greater than you.” 41 Pharaoh also said to Joseph, “See, I am placing you over all the land of Egypt.” 42 Pharaoh removed his signet ring from his hand and put it on Joseph’s hand, clothed him with fine linen garments, and placed a gold chain around his neck. 43 He had Joseph ride in his second chariot, and servants called out before him, “Abrek!” So he placed him over all the land of Egypt. 44 Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I am Pharaoh, but no one will be able to raise his hand or foot in all the land of Egypt without your permission.”

God had great plans for Joseph. He had given Joseph a dream to become a great leader. Later, He had given Joseph the task of saving Egypt and Israel, and the known world from starvation. We often encourage children to “dream big”, and Joseph's big dreams were ultimately realized.

God, too, has a plan for each of our lives as well. He wants us all to be saved from our sins and He wants us all to be His disciples. He wants us to find abundant life in Christ and He wants us to help others find abundant life in Christ. As wonderful as the work that Joseph accomplished was, everyone whom he saved from starvation still died. Our work is greater than that. We can offer people living water, and the knowledge of how to acquire eternal life. Even Joseph's coat of many colors cannot outshine such things. God has great things in store for us.

As wonderful as God's plan for us is, we must also understand that His time frame and ours are not the same. God is running a marathon, not the 100 yead dash! We don't know how many years it was from Joseph's first dreams until the day he became Prime Minister of Egypt, but it wasn't just a day. The saying Rome was not built in a day is true, and it is also usually true for us as God builds in us the ability to serve him and fulfill his task for us. Even Paul, who had had a tremendous biblical education, spent three years in the desert with God teaching him the fuller truths of the Christian life. So, when God gives us a dream, don't be surprised that it may take time for us to realize that dream. AS Paul taught us in Galatians 6:9-10,

So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.

When you aren’t in Kansas anymore, remember that God’s timing is perfect. Live according to his schedule, not our own!

Conclusion:

When the storm of conflict hits our family, and when brotherly love fails, what are we to do?

• Remember that God has a plan for your life and work as if you are working for Him!
• Remember that God is righteous and live as if you are living for him!
• Remember that God is in control and live as if is He is!
• Remember that God’s timing is perfect and live according to his schedule, not our own!

Every blessing,

Dr. Otis Corbitt

A Word about Jacob's Family Values

 

Today I want to share a word about Jacobs’ family values. Let’s begin with Genesis 29:9-20:

While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. ¹⁰ As soon as Jacob saw his uncle Laban’s daughter Rachel with his sheep, he went up and rolled the stone from the opening and watered his uncle Laban’s sheep. ¹¹ Then Jacob kissed Rachel and wept loudly.  ¹² He told Rachel that he was her father’s relative, Rebekah’s son. She ran and told her father. ¹³ When Laban heard the news about his sister’s son Jacob, he ran to meet him, hugged him, and kissed him. Then he took him to his house, and Jacob told him all that had happened. ¹⁴ Laban said to him, “Yes, you are my own flesh and blood.” After Jacob had stayed with him a month, ¹⁵ Laban said to him, “Just because you’re my relative, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.” ¹⁶ Now Laban had two daughters: the older was named Leah, and the younger was named Rachel. ¹⁷ Leah had ordinary eyes, but Rachel was shapely and beautiful. ¹⁸ Jacob loved Rachel, so he answered Laban, “I’ll work for you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” ¹⁹ Laban replied, “Better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay with me.” ²⁰ So Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, and they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

Family relationships are often a topic for discussion, in all kinds of ways. For example, once, when I was reaching down behind a door to pick-up something that I had dropped there, the door bounced off the door stop just in time for me to slam my head against it as I bent down. This collision raised a large, egg-shaped swelling on my forehead. Needless to say, I was the butt of several jokes made by my fellow pastors.

 One said, “So, you thought Geri said stand-up when she really said shut up.”

 Another quipped, “It’s your head, your wife, and your business.”

 For the record, while I have irritated Geri many times, she has never hit me, nor I her. We have exchanged cross words from time to time, however!

 A few years ago, some politicians took pains to appeal to “family values voters.” This sounds good until you ask the follow-on question, “Whose family values?” In this message we will consider some lessons from Jacob’s family’s values, some of which are positive, but many of which we would do well to avoid!

 The Good:

 Jacob loved Rachel with all his heart, and he sacrificed for her.

 Many people will glibly make statements like, “I’d do anything to play the piano” or “I give anything to be able to lose weight.” The truth is, however, they are not willing to do what it takes to achieve such goals. Jacob, however, was different. He worked for Laban not just seven years, but he actually worked for him for fourteen years so that he could have the love of his life.

 Jacob’s passion and sacrifice for his wife Rachel is a model for husbands to follow. Let’s read Ephesians 5:25-33,

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. ²⁷ He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, ³⁰ since we are members of His body. ³¹ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. ³² This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

God’s unambiguous will is for husbands to love their wives the way that Christ loves the church, who is the bride of Christ. What kind of love is this? 

• It is a sacrificial love.  
• It is an uplifting love. 
• It is a saving love.
• It is a steadfast love.
• It is a cherishing love.

The kind of love which the Scriptures refer to as Christ’s love is an active love. Christ’s love is not only emotional, it is also operational. It requires us to do what is right, and good, and best for the one loved. So, husbands must love their wives even when they don’t feel like it!

Why are we to do this? Just like the Lord’s Supper and Baptism are audio-visual sermons about our Christian faith, so is marriage! Marriage is a sermon about Christ and the church. There is one Savior and one church. The Savior loves the church sacrificially and the church honors the love of the Savior.

 So far, so good. But now let's read Genesis 29:21-31,

 ‘Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my time is completed. I want to sleep with her.” ²² So Laban invited all the men of the place to a feast. ²³ That evening, Laban took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and he slept with her. ²⁴ And Laban gave his slave Zilpah to his daughter Leah as her slave. ²⁵ When morning came, there was Leah! So he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Wasn’t it for Rachel that I worked for you? Why have you deceived me?” ²⁶ Laban answered, “It is not the custom in this place to give the younger daughter in marriage before the firstborn. ²⁷ Complete this week of wedding celebration, and we will also give you this younger one in return for working yet another seven years for me.” ²⁸ And Jacob did just that. He finished the week of celebration, and Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as his wife. ²⁹ And Laban gave his slave Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her slave. ³⁰ Jacob slept with Rachel also, and indeed, he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years. ³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was unable to conceive. ³² Leah conceived, gave birth to a son, and named him Reuben, or she said, “The Lord has seen my affliction; surely my husband will love me now.” 

The Bad:

 Jacob had two wives, and he could not love them both.

 As we see in this passage, the trickster got tricked. As the saying goes, “live by the sword, die by the sword.” Or, as Galatians 6:7-9 says,

Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap, ⁸ because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. ⁹ So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.

Jacob loved Rachel, but he wound up with both Rachel and Leah. To give Jacob some credit, he did not intend to find himself in that situation, but due to the practices and customs of the day, he did. And try as he might, he was unable to love them both. 

To be truthful, it doesn’t seem as if Jacob tried to be fair to Leah. He was bound to her, but he never gave his heart to her. Some men develop a resentful attitude towards their spouses, even to the point of calling them “a ball and chain.” I could see Jacob having this attitude towards Leah, and he definitely preferred Rachel. This caused much conflict in their home, as we can see in Genesis 30:1-2:

When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she envied her sister. “Give me sons, or I will die!” she said to Jacob. 2 Jacob became angry with Rachel and said, “Am I in God’s place, who has withheld children from you?”

We also see this conflict in Genesis 30:14-16,

Reuben went out during the wheat harvest and found some mandrakes in the field. When he brought them to his mother Leah, Rachel asked, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.” 15 But Leah replied to her, “Isn’t it enough that you have taken my husband? Now you also want to take my son’s mandrakes?” “Well,” Rachel said, “you can sleep with him tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.” 16 When Jacob came in from the field that evening, Leah went out to meet him and said, “You must come with me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So Jacob slept with her that night.

I think those verses speak for themselves.

In the home, there is no room for multiple lovers. When a man and a women join in matrimony, they become one, and there is no room for another. This is like what Jesus said in Matthew 6:24,

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Jacob was only human, and he played favorites, just like his father and mother did.  Not only did he play favorites with his wives, but we will also soon find out that he played favorites with his children. The results of both were devastating!

Next let's read Genesis 34:1-7,

Dinah, Leah’s daughter whom she bore to Jacob, went out to see some of the young women of the area. 2 When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, a prince of the region, saw her, he took her and raped her. 3 He became infatuated with Dinah, daughter of Jacob. He loved the young girl and spoke tenderly to her. 4 “Get me this girl as a wife,” he told his father Hamor. 5 Jacob heard that Shechem had defiled his daughter Dinah, but since his sons were with his livestock in the field, he remained silent until they returned. 6 Meanwhile, Shechem’s father Hamor came to speak with Jacob. 7 Jacob’s sons returned from the field when they heard about the incident and were deeply grieved and angry. For Shechem had committed an outrage against Israel by raping Jacob’s daughter, and such a thing should not be done.

The Ugly:

Jacob had a dozen children, but he failed to nurture them.

Jacob demonstrated that physically procreating was not the end of the task of being a parent. Parents have a sacred responsibility from God to raise up their children in the way that they should go. As Ephesians 6:4 instructs us,

Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

A large part of the task of parenting is the protection of the children. Jacob failed to protect Dinah from the evil culture in which they lived, which was devasting.

We, too, must protect our children, both from others and from themselves. A 2001 survey of students revealed that 50% had drunk alcohol and 1% consumed it daily. The results also showed that 23% had been inebriated at least once and 8% had been inebriated in the last 30 days before date the survey was taken. Those numbers are bad, but they are worse when we realize that the subjects of the survey were 8^th grade students!

Another survey of youths revealed that 7% carried weapons to school, and one-third drank alcohol regularly. About half had used marijuana, 15% had sniffed glue, and 10% had used cocaine.

Our children need our protection, and we need to model a Godly lifestyle for them to emulate!

The task of parenting also so involves discipling our children. Jacob failed to teach his sons to guard their passions. Let's read Genesis 33:24-31,

²⁴ All the able-bodied men listened to Hamor and his son Shechem, and all the able-bodied men were circumcised. ²⁵ On the third day, when they were still in pain, two of Jacob’s sons, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, took their swords, went into the unsuspecting city, and killed every male. ²⁶ They killed Hamor and his son Shechem with their swords, took Dinah from Shechem’s house, and went away. ²⁷ Jacob’s other sons came to the slaughter and plundered the city because their sister had been defiled. ²⁸ They took their sheep, cattle, donkeys, and whatever was in the city and in the field. ²⁹ They captured all their possessions, children, and wives and plundered everything in the houses. ³⁰ Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me, making me odious to the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites and the Perizzites. We are few in number; if they unite against me and attack me, I and my household will be destroyed.” ³¹ But they answered, “Should he have treated our sister like a prostitute?”

It is easy to understand how angry Dinah’s brothers got over how she was attacked and abused. Despite this, their father had a plan to resolve this situation. Was Jacob doing the right thing? We will never know, because his sons took the law into their own hands. And when they did, they took things too far.

Few of us would have objected to punishing or even killing Shechem, but Jacob’s sons committed mass murder. And, like Jacob and Leah and Rachel, they would go to any lengths to get what they wanted. Despite what the popular saying asserts, the ends do not justify the means. However, that seems to be the lesson these boys learned from their dad and their moms, and their grandparents as well. Jacob, himself, knew how bad things could have been for his family, and, no doubt, only God’s protection preserved them after that stunt!

It was ironic as well as creepy that Judah’s daughter-in-law Tamar pretended to be a prostitute with him so she could have a child. That’s a story for another day, but it demonstrates the level of morality that Jacob had fostered among his sons.

One other task of parenting that we find Jacob struggling with was loving all his children equally. Let’s read Genesis 37:2-4,

² These are the family records of Jacob. At 17 years of age, Joseph tended sheep with his brothers. The young man was working with the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought a bad report about them to their father. ³ Now Israel loved Joseph more than his other sons because Joseph was a son born to him in his old age, and he made a robe of many colors for him. ⁴ When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not bring themselves to speak peaceably to him.

It seems to be a true statement that some families develop strong multi-generational patterns. Today we might say that those patterns are a part of their family “DNA”. Sometimes it is the result of unconfessed and unrepented sin. Numbers 14:18 tells us that,

The Lord is slow to anger and rich in faithful love, forgiving wrongdoing and rebellion. But He will not leave the guilty unpunished, bringing the consequences of the fathers’ wrongdoing on the children to the third and fourth generation. 

One consistent pattern of failure in Joseph’s family tree is the habit of playing favorites among the children. Abraham did. Isaac and Rebekah did. Jacob did. As each generation perpetuated the failures of their ancestors, the consequences continued to echo down the ages.

One thing that was surprising to me about Jacob doting on Joseph is that he was oblivious to the fact that his other sons were murderers with a tendency to be hot-headed and violent. In his old age, Jacob lost his ability to “read the room,” and this was to result in serious consequences within his family and much heartache for himself as well.

The saying that the ground is level at the foot of the cross is a true one. The ground should be level in the home as well!

Conclusion

In conclusion I believe that there are some very important takeaways from our study today.

First, we need to set our families up for success. We need to leave our fathers and mothers and cleave to our spouse and to them only. We need to love each other passionately, but also practically. Finally, we must nurture our children in the Lord, loving them equally, protecting them equally, and disciplining them equally.

Second, we need to realize that all of the Old Testament patriarchs were real, flawed human beings. Paul, in the New Testament called himself the “Chief of Sinners,” but I think Jacob could give him a run for his money. In fact, some have noted that after God renamed his Isreal, the Bible still refers to him as Jacob. This could be because his walk with God was so uneven. When he was speaking prophetically, he was called Israel, but when he was acting as the old trickster, he was called Jacob. We all struggle with a consistent walk with God, but Jacob’s story reminds us of the consequences of that unfortunate habit.

Finally, if God could love Jacob, despite all his foibles, there must be hope for us all! This is even more true when we realize that as children of the New Covenant, God comes to live within us as the Holy Spirit once we commit ourselves to Him!  What an encouraging promise to us all!

Every blessing,

Dr. Otis Corbitt